What Can't Be Done
by Amethyst The Gem
Summary: or, Of Suicide and Ideals.


"Dazai!"

Kunikida stormed over to the desk of his partner, Dazai Osamu, with a sour expression crossing his face. "I've just received three more complaints, and they're all about you!" He shoved a small stack of papers into Dazai's bandaged hands and continued, listing off the complaints one by one, "The ADA seems to have lost an employee; he's floating down the river!" He held up one finger to indicate the first complaint, "All the waitresses in my restaurant are disturbed by the morbid flirtations of one of your employees," another finger counted off the second, "and last of all, a comment from Yosano-Sensei, telling you to stop stealing her pain medications!" Kunikida clenched his fist, and asked, "What are you even hoping to gain out of all this?!"

"Why Kunikida-kun, I thought that you would at least know by now!" Dazai flashed a grin, twirling in his chair as if he were the most carefree man in the world. "I want-"

"Suicide..." Kunikida cut off the brunette, sighing and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I know."

"Well then why bother to ask?" Dazai laughed, his grin never wavering. "I seem to recall making it very obvious what I've wanted since I first set foot in this place."

"_Because_, Dazai, while I do understand _what_you want, what I don't understand is _why_." Kunikida crossed his arms and watched his partner for a reaction.

Dazai didn't seem fazed, and his facade of cheerfulness didn't crack in the slightest. "Why, Kunikida-kun? Why..." He placed a finger on his cheek, as if contemplating the question. "Well now, isn't that a funny question! I've heard it a bunch of times, too." He laughed again, although this time is was a slightly darker tone. "People will ask me, 'why throw your life away?' or, 'you're still so young, don't you have any dreams?'," Dazai shrugged, and continued, "But I always give them the same answer."

"Which would be?..." Kunikida prodded, his green eyes searching for any sign of change in Dazai's demeanor.

"Because it's something I can look forward to. In a way, I guess you could say it's my reason for living."

At that, Kunikida couldn't help but drop his hands to his sides. "You're really an idiot, you know that?"

"Oh, I know!" Dazai chirped gaily, reaching his arms behind him and resting them against his neck. "But then, what about you?"

Kunikida narrowed his eyes, and asked, "What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know!" Dazai moved his left hand long enough to wave it dismissively, as though his words were nothing but a joke shared between the two. But his face held the truth, he was serious. He pointed towards Kunikida's desk, where his green notebook rested atop a pile of papers.

"My ideals, Dazai, are not the pursuit of an idiot, unlike what could be said about yours."

"Are they not?" Dazai challenged, a dark look settling on his face in place of his earlier lighthearted grin.

"No, they are not. My ideals are in place to save lives, not to destroy my own, as you seem to be intent on doing."

"but they _are _destroying your life, Kunikida-kun. Or at least, they will. Someday you'll see what I mean." Dazai stood and shoved his hands into his pockets, keeping an eye on the blonde that glared at him sharply.

"What do you mean?"

"It's simple. You care too much, Kunikida-kun, about trying to save everyone. It can't be done. One day, you're going to lose someone, someone you really care about, and all of your ideals will be shattered, torn up and scattered to the winds. What will you have to rely on then? Your ideals, Kunikida-kun, are the dreams of a pacifist with no idea about the harsh realities of the world around him."

Kunikida slammed a hand down on Dazai's desk, and Dazai eyed it with a cautious expression. "No! I know all too well the realities of this world! That's why I have my ideals! To make sure that I-"

"-Never make the same mistake again." Dazai finished with his partner, and for just a moment, something glimmered in Dazai's eyes that Kunikida had never seen in him before. Regret, perhaps? "I know, Kunikida-kun. You lost him, and it hurt. The rest of the world may not care, but you did. You feel it was something you could have prevented. But Kunikida-kun, if you keep dwelling on that one man you couldn't save, more people will follow. Your flawed sense of ideals and justice will see you to your death, if you allow it to."

"Dazai, you..." Kunikida couldn't help but feel that Dazai was speaking from his own personal experience, and it both intrigued and confused the ADA detective.

"Oh, now would you look at that!" In the instant that Kunikida had taken to think to himself, Dazai had already crossed the room, standing at the window with stars in his eyes. "There's a cement truck across the street!"

"Dazai, you bandage-wasting idiot, don't you dare even think about it! You still have two more reports to write up!"

"Oh, fine, fine! Don't be such a killjoy, Kunikida-kun! I was only teasing anyways!" Dazai sat back down in his chair with a light 'thump'. "That would be an awful way to go. Too sticky and painful."

Kunikida sighed and began to shuffle through his own paperwork, although he snuck glances at his partner from time to time, who would simply look back at him and smile his usual, oh-so-fake grin.

_"Sometimes Dazai-"_

_"Sometimes Kunikida-kun-"_

_"-There are just things that can't be done."_

* * *

A/N: so, here you have it, another one-shot to add to my BSD one-shot repertoire! XD. I really enjoyed writing this one, their interaction and dynamic is really interesting to me, so I wanted to try my hand at creating a bit of my own scene between them.

Let me know what y'all think, if you love it, hate it, any criticism is fine really (in a respectful manner of course).


End file.
